Sometimes You Need To Look

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

You saw it in his eyes the look of a man that is life

He's hurting your and himself cause he doesn't want a wife 

The problem was somewhere in the midst

They've lost the why's, the how's, the list

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

There really wasn't anyone to blame

It's just sometimes things can't ever be the same

He hurts like no one he has ever known

She can hear his sad groans

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

But they needed to let this thing go

So that they can find some kind of flow

To find happiness in someone else arm

She doesn't want to cause him any harm

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

It's sad to watch this unfold

Love is suppose to be lovely and bold

But life is crazy and unpredictable 

Even when you think everything is stable 

Sometimes you need
to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

Love never has an expiration date even though

You try and to add spice and buy some get some dough

She loves him don't get me wrong

It's just somewhere in the midst they lost their song 

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

So she'll go and find what she's looking

for 

She sees him walking to the store

She takes a mental picture in her head

And remember everything was already said 

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

My Beautiful Little Sister

I saw her today again with a big smile on her face. She looks happy if you looked at her. But her eyes says something else.
Her hair looks too nice makeup too smooth. She looks like she's lost a little weight. She's my sister my beautiful little sister. Not so little lol she's taller than me. She's looks like an Amazon Queen I don't lie.

I remember when she was so shy about herself. I told her all the time how beautiful she really was. She didn't even leave the house lol (only to fight). We grew up in NYC a tough neighborhood too. But she was one tough chick. Every guy tried to talk to her but she was so shy lol.
And I didn't help warned then she's too young. She was 14 and looked like she was 21 no lie. But I couldn't get her out the house. Then she moved to Florida and it was like watching a butterfly coming out it's cocoon. Her confident shot up 1000% I was so proud of her. She shines like a true star.
Then one day she didn't feel good and she's a healthy person. So we got scared and went to the hospital. She needed a blood transfusion. I thought what the hell!! I thought it was a cold or even a stomach virus.
They sent her home after and made sure she went to gynecologist. I was really scared but didn't show it. She went with her boyfriend at the time to get some results. I will never forget that phone call when she got home. I was sleeping almost was mad at her for waking me up lol.
She was crying so much I could understand too much. But I hear one word I never wanted to hear my little baby sister. The one I picked on when we were little, the one I had to shower with till I was 12 I hated that. But she hated showering alone my beautiful butterfly sister had CANCER!!!
I cursed life itself why not me Dammit!! I yelled to the sky. I rushed to her as  quickly as I could, didn't brush my teeth, didn't comb my hair, clothes were winkled. I just didn't give a shit. My husband had to drive me I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't stop the tears from coming.
When I got there I wiped my eyes put on the biggest smile I could. Walked up to her apartment and to charge of the situation. She was a mess laying on her bed. I turned to her boyfriend told him go get some food so I can cook for her.
Walked into her room my eyes hard. You see our mother died the year before lost her battle with breast cancer. I knew what she was thinking and hell no I wasn't going to lose my little sister. Looked right in her eyes never wavering.
You will cry all you want, be angry all you want, hate me and everyone all your want, but you will fight and toy will live cause if you don't I'm going to kick your ass lol. That made her smile and I almost cried but I needed to be strong she needed me to. I told her she was moving in no fighting with me.
She didn't and moved in that week. They didn't want to wait. My sister had and this is the medical definition:

"Endometrial cancer is a type of cancer that begins in the uterus. The uterus is the hollow, pear-shaped pelvic organ in women where fetal development occurs.
Endometrial cancer begins in the layer of cells that form the lining (endometrium) of the uterus. Endometrial cancer is sometimes called uterine cancer. Other types of cancer can form in the uterus, including uterine sarcoma, but they are much less common than endometrial cancer.
Endometrial cancer is often detected at an early stage because it frequently produces abnormal vaginal bleeding, which prompts women to see their doctors. If endometrial cancer is discovered early, removing the uterus surgically often cures endometrial cancer".
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/endometrial-cancer/basics/definition/con-20033696

They this to my little sister and was only 26 young no kids. At night when I put her to sleep which was hard when she had chemo therapy. I would go to my room and cry myself to sleep every night. But this wasn't about me it was about her so I never showed her my sorrow and my fears.
I yelled at her and sometimes I was very mean, but someone had to look past her pain and fears her sorrow and lose. Someone needed to be tough and make her eat and live.
She is 34 now happy again smiling again fighting with me again but I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here's some advice:
If you have someone you love that's going through cancer don't let them give up. Put your fears away they don't need that be tough let them cry all they want. But you make sure you don't show any fear put that shit away cause what they're going through isn't about you!!!! 
END! 

The Man I Saw

I saw him crying and thought what would make him a man cry.
Death of someone he cared about, maybe he was crying cause a his girlfriend left him.
Still instead of giving him is little corner in this little alley way. I just stare at him. Trying to find away to comfort him.
But how men hate to cry.
I've been told.
Men hate to show emotions.
I've been told.
So I leave him there while I contemplate what I should do. If I walk over there he can get angry. Maybe take out his frustration out on me. No he doesn't look the type to me.
But how men hate to cry.
I've been told 

Men hate to show emotion.
I've been told.

He looks so sad and lonely there all along 
almost scared.
I'll be brave I'll walk over there and see. 
I ask him are you ok?
He turns quickly like he didn't even hear my footsteps as I came near.
No. 
Is there anything I can do? He doesn't look homeless his clothes are clean, face is shaved. Maybe he got rob. I thought
No.
Do you need some help then? Why is he crying? I thought he looked really really cute. Probably girlfriend trouble I thought.
No. 
Did someone die? I ask thinking damn girl you really are one nosey bitch. I tried not to laugh at myself. But when I asked he seemed to cry a little more. So I crouch down next to him.
No.
It's ok you know in time you'll feel better I lost my mom awhile ago you learn to live again. Nothing no reaction from him nothing. He's younger than me I notice maybe 24. Can't be crying about a mortgage lol I thought. Then what can bring a young man down this much. Where's is family, girlfriends, friends shouldn't be be talking to one of them. I give up and start to stand up. When he grabs my hands looks up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen.
He tells me why he's been crying:
"I went to the doctor today wasn't feeling too good lately."
He puts his head back down and continues. 
I found out I'm HIV+ 
I bend down pick him up and gave him what he needed most right now a big hug and held him till he stopped crying.
End! 

She's Beautiful

She sparkles like no one I've ever known true beauty.

The glow that comes from her is amazing.

I know her, she in pain.

She can hide it all she wants but I know her. 

She's survived childhood and that's amazing.

But I know when she's alone I hear it in her voice

Like her life is empty she has no choice

No idea how she can stare

Doesn't anyone even care

She needs this to be over

So she can cry and be sober.

She looks out her window,

How can the world not stop it's lingo

Don't they know can't they see, 

She's right there next to you and she

All you see is what she let's you

But she screams inside don't you see she's blue

She's beautiful she sparkles like a shooting star

She just walked right by you going into that bar

She'll drink again bring up her confidence

I know her she'll take him home, to feel special significant

In the morning he'll be gone but a memory

And she'll go out there grab her morning berry

And she'll smile and wave

As her life around her caves 

Last Night

Last night she finally lost him 
There wasn't this music playing in the background no Toni Braxton to ease it. 
To show how hurt she was how lost and confused she felt.
She's never felt this way about anyone anywhere.
He knew he had found what he's been looking for his whole life.
There wasn't any no Boys II Men on the radio.
Then why aren't they together.
There has never been this type of connection. Fate seemed to have gotten it right.
Then why aren't they together.
They like the same movies, games, and music.
They find pleasure in the abnormal sense of the word.
Then why aren't they together.

He loves everything she does even down to her little snore. 
She loves all he does for her, the way he makes that face when needs to solve problems.

Then why aren't they together.
She knows his moods just but the way he closes the door, when he comes home.
He knows when her family had made her cry again.
Then why aren't they together.
This why cause when fate made them to be together and have what is so rarely found in this world.
They forgot to actually put them on the same continent so they'll have a fighting chance to be together.
So now they're on Skype crying and saying it's over.