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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Fear

She had big dreams thought nothing can stop them. She was only 10 knew in her heart that one day she would a famous scientist. Save the world she thought.

Then one day just like that her dreams were shattered. There were many things this young girl could take. She could remember being molested when she was two. Still she knew there were better things for her.
Learned very early in life about the things that go bump in the night. When her mom finally took her out of that terrible dream. Her mom didn't know that she leading her yet to another bad dream.

She was 13 when everything stopped and figured how wonderful life would treat her now. For 3 years she lived her small life. Was about to graduate from high school sooner than most was going to be that scientist she always wanted to be.
One day walking home very proud of her essay she had just finished at the local library. Her mom couldn't get her a computer. So she did what she had to and got her work done.

Always taking the route stayed where it was lite by the street lamps. Never bother anyone never caused anyone any grief. Three men drunk she could remember that much pushed her into an alley.

I don't need to tell you the horrors that happened to her. At the end of all they did to her she walked into a local food chain. You know people only want to see what they want to see, no noticed her bloody face, she covered her body with her coat.

Went into the bathroom and cleaned herself up and went home. She couldn't tell her mom she had siblins that needed her too. So the girl quietly took her shower told her mom she was in a fight on the way home and that was that.
Her mom had to work couldn't see that her daughter didn't go to school for a week. Her grades dropped. she didn't care anymore, there wasn't going to be any happy endings for her.

So she kept her head down didn't say a word.

And one day when no one was home where she was all alone. She did her hair so they wouldn't have to. She picked out her favorite clothes and laid them out on her bed. Did her makeup just right so they can see that once in her life she was going to take charge she wasn't going to be scared anymore.

She went to the bathtub she didn't want to make a mess. With her favorite doll she laid naked on the tub her dog watching her. She looked at him and it was almost as if he knew what was going to happen. He barked at her and smiled gave him a hug and was happy she wasn't alone.

She slit on then the other wrist she thought it would hurt  but it didn't not as much as thought it would.
They found her several hours later the dog had climb in with her and was laying with his head on her breast. She didn't leave a note telling them why.

Weeks later when her mom could finally look through her things she found her journals she had four and read the horrors her daughter had gone through all alone. She cried and cried till there weren't anymore tears. She put the journals away where no one can see them.

The funny thing about death is that you forget who you leave behind. But it's the only way to make the nightmares stop. To stop the fear that consumes you everyday. No one can understand that type of darkness. It consumes every part of you. It leaves this emptiness inside your soul.

And no matter what you do you can't escape your mind and the memories of things that has happened to you. Maybe this girl needed to get help. Maybe this girl could've done a lot of things differently but she chose to protect the one's she loved. She chose to be the one with the flaws. To protect them from real monster.

End