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Friday, June 5, 2015

My Dark Prince

He is my dark prince,
with wings of pure black
To explain how He makes me feel,
when His mood sends Him to track

Chilling are always His words,
while slowly making me yearn
His words light something deeper inside,
making things burn

He has become my reasons to write,
sing Him my songs
Always out of breath when He is near,
how my body longs

I write to please His mind,
His words scald
To say I am His does not explain,
I am enthralled

He is my dark prince,
with wings of pure black
At His feet is where I have
taken off my mask
Poem Courtesy And Property Of: Dark Princess

Monday, May 19, 2014

She Needs

She needs to let it go let it move through her.

She needs to be at peace with herself

She needs to be happy with what she has

She needs to see the one's that love her

She needs to see she isn't alone

She needs to see the love that surrounds her

She needs to let the past go


She needs to know that it wasn't her fault

She needs to love herself

She is beautiful if they only looked closer

She needs to know it's ok to be weird and unusual

There's beauty in her if she was to only look

She's an artist, a writer, a poet, she's beautiful

She doesn't need anyone's approval she is all

She need not look they're all around her

She has her lover, her husband, and hopefully a little more

She needs to know that they aren't any rules

She needs to know that it's ok for her to be a little weird

She is loved by those she loves

So let it go it's ok it wasn't her fault

She's beautiful in her way and there's nothing wrong with her

She is loved she is love


Thursday, May 15, 2014

Nightmares

You creep inside when I'm so vulnerable

When I wish the most for sweet and pleasurable

You come with your dark clouds and awful memory

To bring darkness to my slubber and past lechery

Things that need and must stay in my dark past

Making things in me feel weird feelings of being an outcast

Why can't you stay where I've left you sleeping

Always you come and leave as if my life can't be warming

Must it always be so dark when you come with your torment

Must my soul ever not find some way to heal and mend

Is this to be my past, my present, and future

Can't I have some beauty in my dreams some humor

To taste nothing but horror of your touch on my skin

Must I not one day let someone touch me without cringe

But be lonely, and so alone my eyes always blank stares

How I wish you to go away my horrid nightmares


Friday, May 9, 2014

Sweet Kiss

My dreams are filled with your image

The longing I have to see this sweet voyage

To have your hands reaching out for my needs

With you by side I know you will never mislead 

Oh how long for your sweet embrace 

Is to feel sweet the soft satin, silk, and lace 


How I stay awake at night to catch your sweet smell 

It's like the sweetest drug you can feel down to your cell






Of how much you tease me when I feel you near

How focused it all becomes how beautifully clear


Your like a warm blanket, a soft spot


How sweet things will be how everything will just stop 

No more will there be nightmares 


No more pity in their eyes no more blank stares 


Oh to wait for your sweet kiss with need and so eager


My love, my dream, my release, my grim reaper 

Your sweet dark kiss is what I'll

wait on 


While I sit with my dreams and vision


Thursday, May 1, 2014

Scream

Don't lie to yourself if you must then scream

Some be, let it out make a scene

So what if they don't seem

To understand you need to  let out steam

Be bold and grow it doesn't mean that you're mean

Sometimes you have to find your voice and scream

Don't be embarrassed who cares they're just green

You're beautiful don't give up on that dream

Let it be your strength let it be your steam

Don't let life pass you down that stream

Take what's yours be the star no be supreme

If you fall who cares don't let it blow you to smithereens

Get back up shine brighter now cause you are the queen

Retrace where you left off be the master of this dream

When they say no you let our that scream

You after three master the lead role in this scene


Don't blow I'm here for you to lean

Be bold and true when all isn't what it seems

That's when you let them have and just scream

And when you do find that place all will be serene


Sunday, April 20, 2014

Fear

She had big dreams thought nothing can stop them. She was only 10 knew in her heart that one day she would a famous scientist. Save the world she thought.

Then one day just like that her dreams were shattered. There were many things this young girl could take. She could remember being molested when she was two. Still she knew there were better things for her.
Learned very early in life about the things that go bump in the night. When her mom finally took her out of that terrible dream. Her mom didn't know that she leading her yet to another bad dream.

She was 13 when everything stopped and figured how wonderful life would treat her now. For 3 years she lived her small life. Was about to graduate from high school sooner than most was going to be that scientist she always wanted to be.
One day walking home very proud of her essay she had just finished at the local library. Her mom couldn't get her a computer. So she did what she had to and got her work done.

Always taking the route stayed where it was lite by the street lamps. Never bother anyone never caused anyone any grief. Three men drunk she could remember that much pushed her into an alley.

I don't need to tell you the horrors that happened to her. At the end of all they did to her she walked into a local food chain. You know people only want to see what they want to see, no noticed her bloody face, she covered her body with her coat.

Went into the bathroom and cleaned herself up and went home. She couldn't tell her mom she had siblins that needed her too. So the girl quietly took her shower told her mom she was in a fight on the way home and that was that.
Her mom had to work couldn't see that her daughter didn't go to school for a week. Her grades dropped. she didn't care anymore, there wasn't going to be any happy endings for her.

So she kept her head down didn't say a word.

And one day when no one was home where she was all alone. She did her hair so they wouldn't have to. She picked out her favorite clothes and laid them out on her bed. Did her makeup just right so they can see that once in her life she was going to take charge she wasn't going to be scared anymore.

She went to the bathtub she didn't want to make a mess. With her favorite doll she laid naked on the tub her dog watching her. She looked at him and it was almost as if he knew what was going to happen. He barked at her and smiled gave him a hug and was happy she wasn't alone.

She slit on then the other wrist she thought it would hurt  but it didn't not as much as thought it would.
They found her several hours later the dog had climb in with her and was laying with his head on her breast. She didn't leave a note telling them why.

Weeks later when her mom could finally look through her things she found her journals she had four and read the horrors her daughter had gone through all alone. She cried and cried till there weren't anymore tears. She put the journals away where no one can see them.

The funny thing about death is that you forget who you leave behind. But it's the only way to make the nightmares stop. To stop the fear that consumes you everyday. No one can understand that type of darkness. It consumes every part of you. It leaves this emptiness inside your soul.

And no matter what you do you can't escape your mind and the memories of things that has happened to you. Maybe this girl needed to get help. Maybe this girl could've done a lot of things differently but she chose to protect the one's she loved. She chose to be the one with the flaws. To protect them from real monster.

End    

Monday, March 31, 2014

My Touch

You think it's easy waking everyday knowing how much you need my touch

I can feel this need rising everyday I wake with this ache in my chest it's just so rough

Why is that life can't seem to put us in the right places making things just a bit easier

One day we will both wake from this illusion that we can go on without one another it'll be nuclear

I laugh when we pass each other thinking I can't feel your soul reaching out for mine

This all needs to find some type of beginning or it must all end I feel like we are both running out of time

It's been about a few months since last we've been able to touch you can't lie and say it's all been fine

When at night before you sleep I can feel and sense that touch you're reaching feeling almost mythically divine

Trusting that one day you will find that this was what you wanted, what has always felt right and true

Hoping that I won't be already gone and nothing can be further than what life has always considered to be the truth

You think it's easy waking everyday knowing how much you need my touch

I can feel this need rising everyday I wake with this ache in my chest it's just so rough

Stop waiting for this to happen is what I'm always saying move on he will never see what he chooses not to see

I can rant, cry, beat your chest to show you the beauty of this wonderful life that we can both lead

Some choices need to be made not by me but by you and all I can do is try and wait for as long as I can

I'm trying to believe me wait for your touch for your soft kisses and your warm embraces I'll try for as long as I can stand

I'm not stupid I totally know that this all can blow in my face waiting and wanting someone something that might not ever happen

Stay and wait and love is all I've been doing from this far distance I feel like things might just collapse and fragment

You think it's easy waking everyday knowing how much you need my touch

I can feel this need rising everyday I wake with this ache in my chest it's just so rough

It isn't a wonderful feeling wishing you happiness in someone else's arms

How my heart feels like I'm causing it such a terrible harm

But it's true non the less that I rather see you happy then this person you've become

Hollow and empty a walking corpse with nothing looks almost as if you're drunk

How unfair it all must be to this close to your happily ever after yet be so far from your truth

When all we have to do is reach out touch I'm right there feel me I can do more than love I can sooth

Yet to chose loneliness over what can be such a beautiful story

Was something that has always been some kind of luxury

You think it's easy waking everyday knowing how much you need my touch

I can feel this need rising everyday I wake with this ache in my chest it's just so rough






Monday, March 24, 2014

His Dreams Her Truth

She doesn't ask for much from anyone she's ever known. The price was always so high for her to pay. She didn't want to spend all her time dreaming about what could be. Somehow some way she wanted some peace.

She met him the man she thought was very nice. He wanted big things, but she wouldn't fall and believe life was too complicated enough for her.
He needed to make her understand that he wasn't like the rest of them making promises and not keeping them. But how she was so broken already she had no faith in anyone. Always relying on herself.

Why couldn't she see that it was nice to dream. To talk about the future that can also happen, she was so negative he thought. But he wouldn't give up on her everyone else had he wouldn't that was his promise to her.
He was way too positive she thought. Soon her gloom and doom would play too much for him she thought. She gave him her worse days told him things she wouldn't even admit to herself.

He never pitied her, knew it would be their end. She was so proud he thought never accepting anyone's help. But fight on he would, seeing past the parts that were ugly. He couldn't help her there, but love her he could always do.

So he pressed on never wavering he would conquer her fears and show her how beautiful it will all be.
She started to believe him and his dreams in the deepest part of her heart. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but late at night when no one was up she would turn down her lights sit in the dark with a smile on her face thinking about what could be. In the morning truth always set in she wouldn't believe it can be possible not for her anyway.

It's so hard for her to believe anything and sometimes that was annoying even to her. She needed to believe in someone why couldn't it be him. Life has been so cruel to her giving her a taste of happiness and always taking it away. So she made herself a deal a long time ago that she wouldn't fall for anyone else's bullshit.

No she wouldn't, she stomp her foot on the floor and made sure she understood that she wasn't ever a dreamer and she wouldn't start now. So she decided to let things cool not contact him at all.

A few days had passed and he knew what she was doing trying to put distance between them. He wouldn't let her get away with it, knew that she felt the same way as he did. DAMN THAT WOMAN!! he'd scream SO STUBBORN!! couldn't she see they were both meant to be.

He had her address and she had his
they had always mailed each other crazy little things. He made plans asked mutual friends can they help.
It was early when she woke up. It's been a month since they had spoken. She was looking out her sister's window she had left that comfortable life she had but was scared to contact him. So she decided to just leave him in the past with everything else.

Her eyes must be playing tricks on her. There on front of the building was this tall man getting out a cab. He looked so much like the man she had fallen in love with. How strange it looked like her sister was talking to him. When they both looked up at the window she was so shocked by what she saw.

There he stood the man she thought she would never meet. The man she wanted to believe in, the one that promised he wouldn't let go.

Falling over the she picked herself back up again ran to the door. They met somewhere in the middle thank goodness he was strong enough cause she jump on top of him. Never caring if they would fall down the stairs, but she knew deep inside that he would never let her fall never let her go again.

Their kiss was mixed with her tears
as he carried her back upstairs to her sister's place.

END!


Thursday, March 20, 2014

Anguish

I feel this torment, this anguish that's killing me a little each time

I look and look like I'm some kind of fool such a crime

Some people are meant for one another can't you see

You're not just hurting yourself you're hurting me!

With all your denials and lies you tell yourself everyday

No this was all some game you would like to always say

I know you, I can feel your torment as you watch me with another

Acting and trying to say that this love was only for the summer

Never saying anything pretending that you're happy for us for him

Yet when I look in your eyes I can't remember ever seeing them so dim

I never felt such a connection with another human being

Knew me and I you like there was thing without meaning

Yet you let me pack saw that all I was taking were our memories

Things that would remind me of days that I was your centerpiece

How tragic it is to let this happen, cause of some entities that wouldn't let you be happy

And now you must always be just some memory, while I walk away how sappy

This story could have been so beautiful almost some kind of fairy tale

To have it bleed all over the place to let it lie there become so stale

You once said so plainly to me how you can walk away from this

And I thought like every other person who had finally met their soul mate there's no way we'll miss

I laughed a little on my way out our once beautiful home the things the memories

They all now feel like some kind of terrible mythical tragedies

So we'll move on like this has never happened knowing deep inside our own hearts

That we will both never forget that in one moment in time we were happy, will now leave scars

I'll leave you with this, how can a person go on without the other half of their soul

Isn't that what this life is all about looking and searching isn't that our goal?

To love and be loved by your soul

To take what will make you whole

Such anguish and torment I feel

If you asked a kiss I will always steal



Monday, March 17, 2014

Self Awareness

She really shouldn't be surprised by people. Human nature is always the same, what can I get? Who can I get it from? and How long will it last?

We are taught this from birth. Think about it for a moment. What can you get if you cried? Milk. Who could you get it from? Your mom. How long will it last? Your mom usually decided for you.

Take the same concept to everything else like school you'll get an education, you'll get it from teachers, how would it last well that depended on you really.

So when she met him she applied the same concept what did she want. Was her first question to herself. That was easy she wanted to be happy. What she wanted was unorthodox some would say taboo. All her life she was looking for something she really couldn't understand.

When she was a child it started really early really. She started pinching herself hard enough to bruise. Her mom had caught her once and questioned her till they both were crying. Her mom (like any other person who couldn't understand) took her to doctors to be more specific psychologist. And for awhile it seemed to the mother at least that the problem had subsided. Little did the mother know that her daughter had become the master of hiding her need to hurt herself.

By the time she was in her last year of college she was so good at hiding her need for pain that not even her best friend knew. That late at night when no one was looking she would go to the bathroom in her dorm with a tiny cute little butterfly pin she had was also a blade. She would make small cuts on the inside of her thighs never too deep just enough to feel.

She wasn't stupid was actually going to continue her schooling and become a child physiologist. Her need for pain was just that she liked no loved pain and had learned she also wanted to serve. Her conclusion was she was a submissive and not just that but she wanted to a Slave to a Master. But school had taken so much of her time she really couldn't pursue her needs till after she always thought.

She had joined a variety of different communities on-line. Some very interesting others just looked like people just wanted to pretend play at it you could say. She had fun when she could go on which was rarely cause her schedule was so full.

One weekend that she actually was able to go on a spend sometime with friends she had made on-line. She met this man who had claim to be a Master. She decided why not have a conversation with him didn't really take him serious. He had posted this wonderful picture she thought of himself and she figured was a model tied up very lovely.

That was another thing that fascinated her about BDSM the art of it was very stimulating. So she said so and that started a three day binger talking they went from commenting to emailing to phone call in a space of three hours.

They had taken exactly 8 hours sleep as soon as her opened her phone was ringing and there he was soft but stern voice.

Him: Good morning

Her: (giggling) ummm hi

You hear his soft laughter when he heard her. She must've just woken up he thought. He owned his own business built custom made fetish toys benches, crosses, crops, etc..
She sat up in bed explained she needed to brush her teeth and that she'd call him right back.

Him: I'll give you an hour and I'll call you back

Something inside her melted at his command.

Her: Yes....ummm yeah ok

This went on all weekend and for several months more. Then when school finished she had decided to move to the east coast where she would finish her studies. Never expecting him to go with her. They had met a few times and those were the best in her life. She had stopped cutting herself. She was so happy she thought and for a second she wanted to stay, but she was scared that maybe one day she'll mad at him for never finishing her schooling.

So when the day came for her to go he had promised to be in town to see her off. She thought they would at least make it a weekend but her ride was going to be long and boring and she knew she would cry most of it anyway.

She heard his car horn downstairs running down she never expected to see a a u haul attached to the back of his truck.

You see while she was busy packing and missing already be had moved his business to the city she was moving to and already had enough business to keep him busy. Had put his house on the market and bought a house where they would make a life for themselves.

The moral is this:

Distance shouldn't get in your way to find your own happiness.

Pride shouldn't get in the way of your happiness.

And when you find that person that brings out the best parts of yourself you hold them close and don't let them go. Cause someone else will find beauty in what was once yours.

So she found out what she wanted. Found out who can give it her. And hopefully it will last forever.

END!

Friday, March 7, 2014

Balance

To believe in fairy tales isn't my thing
To believe that there's are better places out there for me to sing

Not everyone is supposed to be loved
It's a burden a path you should say to fit like a glove

They are meant to suffer life's pain
In order for the universe to find balance and gain

Some people may argue, fight, and try to understand

But life and nature has to have their stand

It's not suppose to be  beautiful with rainbows
It won't burden you to see my whoas

It isn't suppose to be easy for all
Some have to be queen of the ball

You think you can fix and try to mend
Can't you see the universe won't bend

To believe in your happy ever after will always
Leaves you lonely and scared with the coming days

Life always finds a way to remind you this weekend
Was almost for you but no they weren't going to be your friend

Some people may argue, fight, and try to understand
But life and nature has to have their stand

So when you see your friend hasn't called you
Stop and think that maybe they're a little blue


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Bruises

She made excuses for him, but she
couldn't hide the bruises on her face. It was sad really to watch a woman so beautiful treated this way. I remember when I didn't even like her. She was stuck up and thought she'll get out of this hell hole we all called home. I believed it she looked like a model back then, but people forget life is longer than you think.
She had her choice of guys anyone she wanted (I think my hate was more envy). And she did a hot guy too, but what else was expected of her damn I really envied her, her life. I often thought skies the limit for that girl with the black long hair and blue eyes. She looked exotic which was quite funny since we were both the same race.

She danced like she was on a stage and she did oh how the guys fell over themselves trying to get her but she caught herself in love with her man. When high school was over and we all went our separate ways I never really thought about her.

She stayed in that hell hole she called it. Started waitressing I heard while I started my first year in college. She had moved out her parents house and went with her hot boyfriend. I heard everything was nice with them (so it seemed). I always heard her talk of being an artist or a writer I think. Then she got married when I started my second year of college. 
And moved into the apartment across from my mom (lol and if you know Puerto Rican women boy we love to listen). She was a pregnant and from what I heard he was beautiful. Maybe you don't have to rich to find happiness I thought. Maybe this was her secret dream to become a suburban wife and have her 2.3 kids as they say. 

Then one day it happened I was in the middle of my third year in college. He came home drunk had a bad day at work and they were making fun of him (I think that's how it went), about being married and could go out every again. Which was crazy cause I had heard he'll sleep with anything with two legs. He hurt so bad he broke her arm. She made her first excuse for him that night, while the cop sat there wanting to arrest him. Asked over and over again are you sure mam he said trying to help her out. She didn't notice that the cop was from our old high school and had loved her all through school, but she was too blind to see.

Fast forward 15 years life wasn't so bad for me. I'm writing like I wanted to. My mom called me a few days ago it was time to come home and drag my mother out that hell hole. She never wanted to leave I was always asking her to. But this time she didn't fight like always and I really wasn't here for her.

You see that last time the guy that I wanted so much when I was young how I wrote poetry for him. Anyway that last time he beat her she couldn't make any excuses, she couldn't protect her two kids, she couldn't scream loud enough. She wouldn't see her son graduate and go to law school, she wasn't going to see her daughter become the great writer like she had wanted to be when we were in high school. No she wouldn't see another day. Cause that last day was her last day.

He had come home as usual all drunk, had lost that good job he had once. Now all he could do were odd little jobs here and there nothing for too long his drinking had gotten out of control he didn't know when to stop. He stunk of alcohol and cheaper hookers, he probably had some kind of disease. He blamed her for always keeping him back. But she was the bread winner even had to pay for a baby sitter cause she never did trust him around their kids. He had went upstairs slapped her awake and began a rant about it being her fault he had no work. Blamed her for getting pregnant and having those kids. He didn't stop beating her till she finally stop moving.

The funny thing was he went to bed like any other night never thought maybe he'd gone too far. My mother who I later yelled at went in the house even she knew the routine. She thought it'll be like it always was he'll fall asleep and my mom would help her clean up the mess and the mess on her face. She would always plead send him to hell, put him in jail and go. But she never listened thought this would never happen. But what my mom had walked into was something all together different there on the floor stood the young girl she had come to love as a daughter you couldn't even make out her face. She looked small and broken my mother told me later. She rushed and called the police and there the guy from high school who had never married thinking one day she'll leave. He had to be the first one to see.

There our high school prom queen, the one with all the dreams could've been anything was dead. And sitting now I'm sitting here at her funeral as I looked around she seem to have had a lot of friends why couldn't any of them see. Didn't they care enough about her the ones she always called her best friends. They looked like they had stayed in the neighborhood. Couldn't they see the bruises on her face, arms, and legs. 

I cried for her. For the loss that we could've been friends. For all the times my mom would tell me what was going on and I didn't care. For envying her enough not to. I cried for children I didn't know she didn't have family. I cried for all the women that live in these types of situations and yet they stay. I cried for all the kids that get hurt. And I thanked my mom for helping her with what little she could do. I took those kids raised them right with my mom and husband they were old enough to understand but they knew my mom and knew they'll be safe one 14 the other 7.


A PIECE OF ADVICE:

  • If you need help get it.
  • If you need a true friend we're out there. 
  • If you need to know where and what to do go to your local police station they'll help. 
  • No one has the right to hit you get help before this becomes your story
                                    
This story is fictional, but women go through this every minute of every day 








Thursday, February 27, 2014

Sometimes You Need To Look

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

You saw it in his eyes the look of a man that is life

He's hurting your and himself cause he doesn't want a wife 

The problem was somewhere in the midst


They've lost the why's, the how's, the list

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

There really wasn't anyone to blame
It's just sometimes things can't ever be the same

He hurts like no one he has ever known

She can hear his sad groans

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

But they needed to let this thing go

So that they can find some kind of flow

To find happiness in someone else arm

She doesn't want to cause him any harm

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

It's sad to watch this unfold

Love is suppose to be lovely and bold

But life is crazy and unpredictable 

Even when you think everything is stable 



Sometimes you need
to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book

Love never has an expiration date even though

You try and to add spice and buy some get some dough

She loves him don't get me wrong

It's just somewhere in the midst they lost their song 

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book





So she'll go and find what she's looking
for 

She sees him walking to the store

She takes a mental picture in her head

And remember everything was already said 

Sometimes you need to look

Learn find reasons pick up a book




Monday, February 24, 2014

My Beautiful Little Sister

I saw her today again with a big smile on her face. She looks happy if you looked at her. But her eyes says something else.
Her hair looks too nice makeup too smooth. She looks like she's lost a little weight. She's my sister my beautiful little sister. Not so little lol she's taller than me. She's looks like an Amazon Queen I don't lie.

I remember when she was so shy about herself. I told her all the time how beautiful she really was. She didn't even leave the house lol (only to fight). We grew up in NYC a tough neighborhood too. But she was one tough chick. Every guy tried to talk to her but she was so shy lol.
And I didn't help warned then she's too young. She was 14 and looked like she was 21 no lie. But I couldn't get her out the house. Then she moved to Florida and it was like watching a butterfly coming out it's cocoon. Her confident shot up 1000% I was so proud of her. She shines like a true star.
Then one day she didn't feel good and she's a healthy person. So we got scared and went to the hospital. She needed a blood transfusion. I thought what the hell!! I thought it was a cold or even a stomach virus.
They sent her home after and made sure she went to gynecologist. I was really scared but didn't show it. She went with her boyfriend at the time to get some results. I will never forget that phone call when she got home. I was sleeping almost was mad at her for waking me up lol.
She was crying so much I could understand too much. But I hear one word I never wanted to hear my little baby sister. The one I picked on when we were little, the one I had to shower with till I was 12 I hated that. But she hated showering alone my beautiful butterfly sister had CANCER!!!
I cursed life itself why not me Dammit!! I yelled to the sky. I rushed to her as  quickly as I could, didn't brush my teeth, didn't comb my hair, clothes were winkled. I just didn't give a shit. My husband had to drive me I couldn't see a thing. I couldn't stop the tears from coming.
When I got there I wiped my eyes put on the biggest smile I could. Walked up to her apartment and to charge of the situation. She was a mess laying on her bed. I turned to her boyfriend told him go get some food so I can cook for her.
Walked into her room my eyes hard. You see our mother died the year before lost her battle with breast cancer. I knew what she was thinking and hell no I wasn't going to lose my little sister. Looked right in her eyes never wavering.
You will cry all you want, be angry all you want, hate me and everyone all your want, but you will fight and toy will live cause if you don't I'm going to kick your ass lol. That made her smile and I almost cried but I needed to be strong she needed me to. I told her she was moving in no fighting with me.
She didn't and moved in that week. They didn't want to wait. My sister had and this is the medical definition:
"Endometrial cancer is a type of cancer that begins in the uterus. The uterus is the hollow, pear-shaped pelvic organ in women where fetal development occurs.
Endometrial cancer begins in the layer of cells that form the lining (endometrium) of the uterus. Endometrial cancer is sometimes called uterine cancer. Other types of cancer can form in the uterus, including uterine sarcoma, but they are much less common than endometrial cancer.
Endometrial cancer is often detected at an early stage because it frequently produces abnormal vaginal bleeding, which prompts women to see their doctors. If endometrial cancer is discovered early, removing the uterus surgically often cures endometrial cancer".
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/endometrial-cancer/basics/definition/con-20033696

They this to my little sister and was only 26 young no kids. At night when I put her to sleep which was hard when she had chemo therapy. I would go to my room and cry myself to sleep every night. But this wasn't about me it was about her so I never showed her my sorrow and my fears.

I yelled at her and sometimes I was very mean, but someone had to look past her pain and fears her sorrow and lose. Someone needed to be tough and make her eat and live.
She is 34 now happy again smiling again fighting with me again but I wouldn't have it any other way.

So here's some advice:
If you have someone you love that's going through cancer don't let them give up. Put your fears away they don't need that be tough let them cry all they want. But you make sure you don't show any fear put that shit away cause what they're going through isn't about you!!!! 
END! 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The Man I Saw

I saw him crying and thought what would make him a man cry.
Death of someone he cared about, maybe he was crying cause a his girlfriend left him.
Still instead of giving him is little corner in this little alley way. I just stare at him. Trying to find away to comfort him.
But how men hate to cry.
I've been told.
Men hate to show emotions.
I've been told.
So I leave him there while I contemplate what I should do. If I walk over there he can get angry. Maybe take out his frustration out on me. No he doesn't look the type to me.
But how men hate to cry.
I've been told 

Men hate to show emotion.
I've been told.

He looks so sad and lonely there all along 
almost scared.
I'll be brave I'll walk over there and see. 
I ask him are you ok?
He turns quickly like he didn't even hear my footsteps as I came near.
No. 
Is there anything I can do? He doesn't look homeless his clothes are clean, face is shaved. Maybe he got rob. I thought
No.
Do you need some help then? Why is he crying? I thought he looked really really cute. Probably girlfriend trouble I thought.
No. 
Did someone die? I ask thinking damn girl you really are one nosey bitch. I tried not to laugh at myself. But when I asked he seemed to cry a little more. So I crouch down next to him.
No.
It's ok you know in time you'll feel better I lost my mom awhile ago you learn to live again. Nothing no reaction from him nothing. He's younger than me I notice maybe 24. Can't be crying about a mortgage lol I thought. Then what can bring a young man down this much. Where's is family, girlfriends, friends shouldn't be be talking to one of them. I give up and start to stand up. When he grabs my hands looks up at me with the saddest eyes I've ever seen.
He tells me why he's been crying:
"I went to the doctor today wasn't feeling too good lately."
He puts his head back down and continues. 
I found out I'm HIV+ 
I bend down pick him up and gave him what he needed most right now a big hug and held him till he stopped crying.
End! 

Friday, February 21, 2014

She's Beautiful

She sparkles like no one I've ever known true beauty.
The glow that comes from her is amazing.
I know her, she in pain.
She can hide it all she wants but I know her. 
She's survived childhood and that's amazing.
But I know when she's alone I hear it in her voice

Like her life is empty she has no choice


No idea how she can stare
Doesn't anyone even care
She needs this to be over
So she can cry and be sober.
She looks out her window,
How can the world not stop it's lingo
Don't they know can't they see, 
She's right there next to you and she
All you see is what she let's you
But she screams inside don't you see she's blue
She's beautiful she sparkles like a shooting star
She just walked right by you going into that bar
She'll drink again bring up her confidence
I know her she'll take him home, to feel special significant
In the morning he'll be gone but a memory
And she'll go out there grab her morning berry
And she'll smile and wave
As her life around her caves